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October I was lying on the hard, cold floor in the bathroom of the famous Chinese bistro Mr. Chow in Beverly Hills. It is one of the most upscale and renowned restaurants in the world, yet I was at the lowest point of my life.

With my head next to the toilet, I was alone, in debt, with no friends and no hope. It had been a long, hard trip that led to this fall. It was a wild roller-coaster ride which included some of the hottest names in hip hop and Hollywood.

For two years I rode it out. I was in the middle of it all--dining with P. I had money, three cars, a condo in a prestigious neighborhood, a nanny for my son. But here I lay on a cold bathroom floor, hugging the toilet's frigid porcelain, completely hopeless. I was broke, homeless, and probably dying. The last thing I remembered was my body shaking violently as I sat on the toilet with my head in my hands and my friend Eva hovering over me asking me if I was okay.

But now I was on the floor and she was gone. Can I move? I tried to saysomething to make sure I was alive. I couldn't. I tried to move my leg, and it worked. I stood up gingerly and made my way to the sink.

I looked around the small, one-stall bathroom. It was dimly lit and tiny, yet elegant. I held on to the sink, looking at myself in the mirror. My pupils were fully dilated, and I could feel my knees wobbling beneath me. I splashed cold water on my face, hoping to snap out of the trouble I was so obviously in. I looked at my jewelry and clothes.

I still wore the diamond-heart pendant and the canary yellow diamond earrings that my ex-husband had given me years before. My ring and bracelet were gifts purchased at Tiffany. My long nails were perfectly French-manicured, and my hair was long and black.

My skin had been tanned by the Miami sun and my eyes were gray thanks to my colored contacts. My face was made up to perfection, compliments of MAC and Chanel.

My jeans were a two-hundred-dollar pair by fashion icon Marc Jacobs, and the rest of the ensemble followed suit. Everything was designer-made, from my jewelry to my makeup to the clothes I wore--even the drugs I'd consumed.

The next thing I knew, I was on the floor again. When I came to from another bout of convulsions, my tongue was swollen and bloody. I crawled up from the floor and made my way back to the sink to splash more water on my face.

I desperately wanted someone to walk in and help, but no one came. I began to panic, with thoughts of the late actor River Phoenix racing through my head. Thoughts of him seizing outside of the Viper Room not too far from where I was, on Sunset Boulevard, right before dying. I thought of how awful it would be if I died in the bathroom at Mr. I thought of the irony of it all--of the paparazzi waiting outside for Nicolas Cage and LL Cool J, who were both in the dining area eating with friends.

I thought of how pretty and rich I looked, yet my life had become ugly and poor. But the most prominent thought was of my son, Naiim.

My nanny hadn't heard from me in months and had no idea how to find me. No one even knew my real name or where I lived or who my family was or where I came from. To them, my name was Yizette, a name that I had made up when I was sixteen, during my years as a stripper. I thought of Naiim and wanted to live.

I thought if I screamed his name as loud as I could, God would hear me and allow me another chance at being a mother. God had to know that despite everything I had done until this point, I loved my son and I wanted to do right by him. I stumbled to the bathroom door, opened it, and began to scream his name into the stairwell that led downstairs into the main dining area of the restaurant.

I screamed his name over and over until my voice was gone


Confessions of a Video Vixen by Karrine Steffans

October I was lying on the hard, cold floor in the bathroom of the famous Chinese bistro Mr. Chow in Beverly Hills. It is one of the most upscale and renowned restaurants in the world, yet I was at the lowest point of my life.


Confessions of a Video Vixen

The availability of items requested from other libraries may depend on the policies of the other libraries. Part tell-all, part cautionary tale, this emotionally charged memoir from a former video vixen nicknamed 'Superhead' goes beyond the glamour of celebrity to reveal the inner workings of the hip-hop dancer industry--from the physical and emotional abuse that's rampant in the industry, and which marked her own life--to the excessive use of drugs, sex and bling. Once the sought-after video girl, this sexy siren has helped multi-platinum artists, such as Jay-Z, R. Kelly and LL Cool J, sell millions of albums with her sensual dancing. In a word, Karrine was H-O-T. But the film and music video sets, swanky Hollywood and New York restaurants and trysts with the celebrities featured in the pages of People and In Touch magazines only touches the surface of Karrine Steffans' life.


Confessions of a Video Vixen is a memoir written by Karrine Steffans which details the first 25 years of her life. Part tell-all covering her sexual liaisons with music industry personalities and professional athletes, and part cautionary tale about the dangers of the otherwise romanticized hip-hop music industry, it caused considerable controversy in some circles. Confessions of a Video Vixen recounts Steffans' life from her troubled girlhood living in poverty in St. Thomas , through abuse, drugs, rape and living as a teenage runaway who turns to stripping and hip hop modeling to support herself and, later, her young son. Originally published in by Amistad , an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers, the book was immediately a New York Times bestseller. The paperback edition includes bonus material, and also made the NYT bestseller list. The book created a stir when it went on sale because of Steffans' allegations of abuse at the hands of her then-husband rapper , Kool G Rap and her claims that she had sexual relationships with numerous famous music stars and athletes, including Jay-Z , Ja Rule , Bobby Brown , Dr.

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